Spring 2020
Photo credit for this delightful picture goes to Becky Soares, thank you Becky! It inspires in me a prayer that you are all as safe and cozy as this sweet little hummingbird; that your needs are simple and simply remedied and your spirits are high. Yet I know that our moods change from one hour to the next, that people are inextricably divided socioeconomically and in regard to work loads and, possibly, serious life challenges. It is difficult to comprehend the vast differences in people's experiences, yea that it may be a little more obvious now, this is actually the case in all times.
Like so many, in regards to the virus and our global response, I have experienced stages of grief; first shock, then loss and disappointment when friends were sick and with worries about my family; and also narcissistically because things I had looked forward to were being taken away one after the other. I experienced anger, about inequities, misguided responses, my desire for stronger leadership and many more things. I got busy, just like when someone dies and there is so much planning to do, even now I am in a second phase of that planning and replanning, perhaps these are my bargains. And I also feel settled into acceptance of the here and now once again, of "what is" from one day to the next. This is a state that I would like to arrive at again and again no matter what happens next in the world.
Today for the first time I hear the sounds of heavy construction outside my window. Naturally people long for things to "go back to normal", or for things to have "changed for the better" as a result of all this; we reach for the future laden with expectation and volition.
In Core Energetics we move through our personal reactions that come first in the form of our mask, the charade we keep up to appear the way we were taught is most acceptable. We work to open trapped energy that lurks beneath the mask and to accept and feel our unacceptable feelings, after which we may be able to experience ourselves from the center of our "hoop", knowing who we really are, and what is truly asked of us without our psychic projections. From that grounded higher self place a new presence can unfold. This is the pathway of transformation. This is the presence I am craving.
As I feel movement back into the world happening around me I feel not ready, unsteady, not just in myself and how to facilitate that, but in our larger systems. I feel the deeper call to ground, no matter what is going on around me, to move with intention no matter what the leaders are endorsing or what any given day presents. The current pandemic is probably only one situation in a long series of global issues to come, both organic and manufactured crisis' arising from corrupt governments and other areas of mismanagement that we all have played a role in, and which will continue to confront and upset the human status quo. I want to be emotionally prepared for this.
The best advice I have heard to date was from a humble man named Glenn Pinkham who runs a sweat lodge that I attend. "Pray in your own way," he said, "give thanks over and over, it will carry us. Walk around your house and yard blindfolded & barefoot so that you can learn to see with your feet...When you see the sun in the morning say hello to it, when you see it in the evening, say goodbye. Keep yourself balanced, always focus." Thank you for this wonderful reminder Glenn. May you all have a moment to feel the earth, perceive the guardians of the sky, to open your heart to death, pain, love, peace and hurt; to hunger, exhaustion, elation and fear; to whatever is within and around you. May you find your solid presence in the midst of it all. And may we meet again soon.